When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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