based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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