the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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