rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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