you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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