The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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