threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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