She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just cropdusted the office
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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