a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize