I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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