Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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