I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Boobs speak an international language.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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