I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize