Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize