We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize