a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hippo gnu deer
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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