i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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