a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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