He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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