well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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