you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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