During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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