i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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