Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize