Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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