I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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