My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize