and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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