if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we made out on top of his cat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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