She tied me up with her honor cords...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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