Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize