Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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