5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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