I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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