I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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