It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize