Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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