If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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