You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize