remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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