You're my little dorito
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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