I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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