i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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