I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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