Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize