I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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