Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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