What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize