I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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