i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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